So we have a new Pope 'Benedict XVI' , what a mix of feelings, first I was like I didn't want another one cuz he was the only one I knew and he always reminded me of my grandpa with that big smile, but I was never that religious even though that was what I was taught growing up, now a days I find myself fighting every stupid preconceived idea of what it's right and how we should do this or that cuz if we don't we wont go to "Heaven", how we need to pray for forgiveness or we'll go to hell, the irony.

Sometimes I think there's nothing out there, med school got into me, and the thought of not seen those I've loved again kills me. I guess I choose to believe I'll hug them again.

Another thing I don't get is how we humans tend to replace things just to fix the pain of loosing someone we really loved, and this really hits home, cuz I find myself smiling when a month ago I was heart broken and thought I would never get out of bed again. And I'm one of those persons that never gets over death I'm thinking every second of those I've lost. I guess my fear of moving on comes from the guilt that comes after giving those first steps, cuz in my mind somehow I think they'll think I didn't love them, and I know I wouldn't want anyone stopping their life because of me and I know they don't want me to do that cuz they love me but I guess I just fear of forgetting and I don't want that I want them to know I love them.

I'd like to say that I thought today was not only a really sad day but an important day too, the feeling of moving on and pretending that we can be happy after we've been in so much pain means that life fights, as humans our own body's will fight to be alive as long as we can, as a specie we fight, and it's natural I'm not judging, I always go against every rule that one included it's in 'my' nature, I can't help it, but somehow I broke it last week and I feel like I can love again and still miss them and remember them with love.

And even though I don't agree much of how the "Church" shows respect and love I wish him well and I hope he finds a way to stop DISCRIMINATION, INNOCENT DEATHS, AND UNJUSTIFIED WARS.

Just my 2 cents.