Tuesday, March 21, 2006
HELLO FALL
Today just to cheer you all up, I decided to write about Cancer. So if you are sad or about to kill yourself please stop reading right now, if today you had a perfect day you should also stop reading, I don't want to be blamed for ruining it. Everyone else feel free to do whatever you want.
ABOUT CANCER:
So when someone chooses to do nothing about it, or when they choose to stop treatment for me it's not giving up, it's a decision, the hardest one. I know many doctors wont agree with me, but from my personal experience, I would definitely offer every possible treatment, but I'll never talk about a cure till the day I can see a treatment that really cures it. (For those who would throw me back the mental health status, of course it changes my view, but I'll always answer the same way, aren't we all a little depress, we don't live in a perfect world, of course a person with cancer is depress, I would be worried if they weren't. In general everyone in the health system is so it's all quite relative).
Having said that, I will never force anyone into treatment, as hard as that decision is.
I sometimes find it hard to understand how people deal with cancer by just denying having it. They not only ignore the word but they end up usually ignoring the treatment.
I accept I have a problem with ignoring the disease, some people don't talk about it after they have been diagnosed, and maybe that's because not having the words as part of their daily vocabulary makes them forget that they have it. But the truth is that your death sentence is growing inside of you, the truth is that your body is constantly killing you, and doing nothing about it will not only kill you but it will affect those who care about you forever.
And I have been thinking about this for as long as I can remember, and it's hard when it's your own mother taking that decision, when it's my own mother saying no to treatment.
So today Autumn begins here in the south of the earth and all I see in my future is pain, I'm so scare of the future, and I'm also doing the things I hate, I'm ignoring the future, I don't want to have to deal with tomorrow today. My mom is here, nothing can ruin it. The smallest things in my daily routine seem foolish, stupid, and selfishness is definitely a word I took out of my vocabulary, anything negative is so not worth of my time anymore.
I know that the future will suck. I know that I have always love the fall and I'm thinking that today it's ok. Yes today I'm ok with all this crazy decisions.
I don't know how I'll feel about them tomorrow. But today as hard as it is, I'm fine.
Of course that is just me and it's always harder to be my mother.
I want to change some things about my life, and it always comes down the same things, my priorities, for me that means time, time with those I love.
Hate me, love me for my words, today I don't really care, do whatever you want, but while you do that, I'm going back to living my life the way I want to live it.
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